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The Atlanta Journal-Constitution, Sunday, December 9, 2001.
BACKGROUNDER: COUNTING THE COSTS, NEW YORK:
The Human Cost - Relationships More Important
By SHELLEY EMLING, Atlanta Journal-Constitution Columnist
From the rubble of the Word Trade Center has sprung an overwhelming desire to connect with another person. Calls to Dail Metzger's Singles Network, a matchmaking service with four offices in Connecticut and New York, have more than doubled since Sept. 11. Everyone, it seemed, wanted someone to say goodbye to when their time was up. "A lot of people felt an urgency to take action and to find a way to get into a relationship quickly," Metzger said. "People wanted to feel loved. Many people said they wanted to be married within a year."
Dating services have reported that new anxieties have propelled people to seek a mate or break off a relationship that isn't working. Many have been inundated with calls from date seekers who'd previously been too preoccupied with their careers to look for love. In another twist, many callers seem to care more about personality these days than such qualities as body type. "A lot of people have started looking deep into themselves to try and figure out exactly what they're looking for," Metzger said. When asked their goals, most of Metzger's new clients today simply answer: "To be happy." "If I'd have asked clients that question 10 years ago, I would never have heard that answer," she said. "They would have wanted to ski better or to advance their careers." Metzger, too, has re-evaluated her priorities since Sept. 11. The Connecticut resident called it quits with a man who she said she could never live with and took a second look at a family friend who lives in New York City with whom she'd been friends for years.
"He always made me laugh a lot, but I never thought of him romantically before," Metzger said. "But then a client told me about this woman he'd had a date with and how she laughed so much her jaw hurt. And I thought about my friend who always made me laugh, and then decided to invite him up for the weekend." They've been together ever since.
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The Advocate
Lonely Singles Take Heart With Matchmaking Services
February 14, 2001 - By today, many singles have had enough of ruffled heart-shaped boxes of chocolates and paper dolly decorations. Pink and red merchandise have been on store shelves for weeks, reminding them that they have no one to take to an overpriced dinner on the town tonight. But singles who are looking for love in all the wrong places may call on dozens of Fairfield County businesses for help.
"The biggest problem about people being single in Connecticut, and this part of the country, is that people are told not to talk to strangers, " said Stamford matchmaker Dail Metzger, owner of The Singles Network on Prospect Street in Stamford. "People around here have their circle of friends, and they stick to it." Metzger's goal is to introduce her 1,000 clients to as many people as she can, to increase their odds of finding "the one."
At $795 for a six-month membership, or $1,195 a year, Metzger interviews new clients and introduces them to up to three potential dates each month. "We're like the new-fashioned matchmaker," she said. "There's nothing impersonal about what we do. We ask them what they are looking for in a person: an age range, a height range, religious background, smoker, nonsmoker, what their goals are. We ask them a lot of questions to get to know them as a person and what they want out of the world." Both clients must agree to go on a date; and if they do, they call Metzger afterwards and tell her how it went.
"Even if they say, 'She's nice as a friend,' we encourage them to go out a second time. People need to give each other time," Metzger said. "It's almost a slow process of fitting each other into your lives." She makes no promises of a wedding ceremony. She only guarantees at least one introduction a month. But when she paired Behrendt and Roy Goldberg in July 1995, Cupid hit a bulls-eye. "We just clicked. We had the best time together," Behrendt said of their first date at a New City, NY, coffee shop.
"I saw Gail, I was like, 'Oh!'" said a beaming Goldberg, now 50. "She wiggled over. We started talking…I said to myself, 'This is someone like me. She has more energy than me.'" The feeling was mutual. The couple exchanged vows at the Greenwich Hyatt Regency Hotel on March 22, 1997, and settled in Stamford. It was her first marriage, his second. "I felt like I had to kiss a lot of toads to meet the right prince," said Gail Goldberg, 48. "I'm just very, very happy."
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The New York Times - Westchester Section, Sunday, November 4, 2001.
Suddenly, Love in a Hurry: Turning to Old Flames and New, to Babies and Puppies In a World Where Hugs Matter More
Dail Metzger, who runs a Connecticut and Westchester matchmaking service, says that in a post-Sept. 11 world, people are looking for love. Not only did calls from her clients double after the terrorist attacks, but also Ms. Metzger herself is re-examining a longtime platonic friendship for romantic possibilities. Deborah Schwartz, originally from Rye, became engaged to Dr. John Meer only four days after the hijackings.
Suddenly, just a five-month engagement will do. Bob Barclay of Mamaroneck is back in touch with an old buddy from the post-college, ski-bum 1970's. After Mr. Barclay fled his office at the World Trade Center, the friend looked him up, at first fearing the worst. For two men who have reunited only once in nearly a quarter-century, there is a lot of catching up to do.
Throughout Westchester, as around the country, people are creating new ties and renewing old ones. Since the attacks, the clock seems to tick faster for rituals of romance. Other people are reconnecting with family or faraway friends. Still others are considering retiring early, adopting a child, acquiring a pet or putting off plans for divorce. At the Singles Network, which has a branch in Hartsdale, Ms. Metzger said:
"This week, the world stopped - and we stopped, too. Business froze. Then we were deluged for about three weeks, with five or six appointments each day; normally, we have about three."
Business remains better than usual. Sept. 11 is changing the way people approach their personal lives, Ms. Metzger said. "The good relationships are being cemented; the not-so-good ones are ending. People are saying, 'I have to make a change,' or, 'I want someone to go home and watch TV with.' You see so many new stories in which people have been lucky to have loved so much. You look at your small life and think, 'I would like to be in a relationship.'"
Ms. Metzger herself has begun to look at her friend, with whom she has a good time and laughs a lot, in a new light. "He's the same as he always was, but life around me is no longer the same," she said. "We're seeing if we want to take this relationship to another level."
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Woman Magazine
2/2000
Dating Service vs Destiny: Gail’s Story
"It’s about taking the bull by the horns," says Gail G., of her experience using a dating service. Gail is not the kind of woman to sit around waiting to see what kind of hand fate deals her, in love or otherwise. A stunning strawberry blonde who works part-time for a computer reservation travel service, Gail compares the process of enlisting a dating service to "what you do when you want a new job. Some people stay at the same job and complain about it. Others hire a headhunter." Gail doesn’t comprehend why some people perceive stigma or would be embarrassed about using a dating service, and the question actually takes her aback.
"I didn’t feel that there was any stigma involved at all. The great thing about dating services is that the possibility of meeting someone fabulous is much greater than when relying on your so-called fate or destiny," she says. "It’s about having an objective and doing something about it." Four years ago, Gail’s objective was to meet the man of her dreams and get married. Strangely enough, she met Dail Metzger, the owner of a Connecticut dating service, The Singles Network, through the mother of a man she was dating. When she and he parted ways as friends, Gail contacted Metzger and joined The Singles Network’s pool of roughly 1,000 eligible singles. "When you initially join up, you go through an introductory interview which includes a lot of questions about your upbringing, religious background and interests, as well as what your expectations are in regard to family, children, et cetera," explains Gail.
She believes that this is very important to the success of the screening and matching process, and the reason why people don’t mind spending the money they do for the service. From the results of this initial interview, a bio is created. The bio is forwarded to other members whose criteria you match. In The Singles Network’s process, it’s up to the men to contact the women and invite them out on a date. "I was a member for a year and a half," Gail recalls. "I dated a few people, including two different guys whom I really liked." And then, she was introduced to Roy. "When I met him, I just knew," she says. "We met in July, got engaged the next April and married the following March."
That was in 1997, and Gail could not be more pleased about the way things have worked out. "I could eat him up," she laughs, describing how her husband, who has two children from a previous marriage, shares her adventurous spirit, love of the outdoors and travel, and her silly sense of humor too. "I love being married. I used to wonder, 'What am I going to do this weekend? What am I going to be doing on New Year's?' Now I know."
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The New York Times/Westchester Weekly
10/1994
For singles in their mid-to-late 20's, and into their 40’s and 50’s, the situation can be more challenging. "There are lots of singles events," said Dail Metzger, owner of The Singles Network, a Hartsdale-based 11-year old dating service. "But many young people find that these events are full of the older generation, and it’s not comfortable for them. There’s not that much to do up here, and people are so busy working and commuting that they don’t have much energy left to develop a personal life. People won’t talk to strangers in a mall, they don’t go to bars, so they hibernate and make excuses. There are singles all over Westchester, but it’s difficult for them to find each other." Since most of The Singles Network’s clients are corporate workers and professionals, Ms. Metzger screens potential customers to assure comfortable dating situations.
"For people that have been married all of their lives and are now divorced, they can’t imagine going dating." Ms. Metzger said. Typical of The Singles Network’s clients is Donald, a 35-year old divorced businessman who lives in a bedroom community in the lower county. He declined to give his last name because he did not want his neighbors to know that he was using a dating service. "It’s difficult to meet anyone in the watering holes," he said. "It’s hard to meet someone at work because you’re not supposed to date people where you work. The dating service asks a lot of questions when you sign up, and asks for feedback on the dates you go on, so it's better able to match you with someone. I think dating services are the wave of the future."
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Woman Magazine
2/1998
Love Blossoms: thanks to The Singles Network
Are you single and facing yet another February with no hearts and flowers or Valentine sweets from a sweetheart, no bells? A time when a loneliness surrounds you that can’t be overcome, even by a good life and good friends, and you find yourself wanting to find someone to share your life with? If such is the case, it may be time to take some action. Dail Metzger, owner and counselor of The Singles Network (TSN), has what she deems is a good solution. For single people who are too busy, or too reticent to place themselves "out there," who have not dated for years, or who cannot find opportunities to meet others of similar pursuits, The Singles Network does the hard part for them. Through personal interviews and profiles, a match is made and an introduction follows.
"I was looking for a career where I could contribute in a special way - one that would make a difference in people’s lives," states Dail. "Because one of my strengths was a good understanding of human nature and possession of an intuitive spirit, I found an occupation that would fulfill that wish. In 1990, I invested in and became the owner of a company established in 1983 called The Singles Network." She maintains, "We are a society of isolated people, and, for the most part, we lack a sense of community. We don’t know our neighbors. We go to work, to the gym, to the supermarket, but we’re afraid to talk to people. Nobody’s connecting." Dail confides, "On the other hand, some people don’t have the time it takes to establish a relationship. They have a strong commitment to their career, have some good friends and a very full and busy scheduled life. They may be content with that, but find that they still feel something is missing, someone with whom to share their lives. TSN’s headquarters is located in Stamford, with satellite offices in Danbury, Milford and Hartsdale, New York.
Dail, with her staff of four, including an associate manager and three trained counselors, serve all four sites. After a client schedules a free informational consultation ("unpressured, comfortable and confidential," promises Dail) and decides to join TSN, an interview is arranged in order to form a profile. Shortly thereafter, an introduction is made, simultaneous letters are mailed and the matched couple is free to set up a meeting to get acquainted. Follow-up and feedback helps to keep the counselor appraised of the success of the venture or the need for further introductions. "I believe that each person who comes into your life is there for a purpose," Dail insists. She counsels her clients to be open to meeting new people. "You can always learn something from each one who touches your life."
"I have had clients in an age range from their 20’s up to a 76 year old gentleman who, by the way, married his match, " enthuses Dail. "There are clients who want a new best friend, those who are looking for a love interest, and some looking for a long-term relationship and/or marriage." One man, a client of Dail’s, has a sign sitting on his desk which proclaims: "Love is Within Reach." "That man married another client of mine," Dail pointed out. "He was open and ready for a relationship." One client proposed to his TSN match on an airplane, while another took out a one-minute spot on the radio to propose to his soul mate. "During the time period between Valentine’s Day, 1997, and the following July 1, we had identified twenty couples who became engaged, moved in together, or were married," reveals Dail. Dail hasn’t always been a matchmaker. In the 1980’s, an asthmatic daughter and a hyperactive son helped Dail to develop a holistic approach to life with an interest in self-healing.
This, in turn, led to her opening a health food store in Pound Ridge, New York, which she managed for five years. "At that time I began studying astrology and attending spiritual retreats in several parts of the country which helped me to develop a better understanding of myself and others," she explains. "Life was good." Seeking a change in her life, Dail took up sculpting, which helped to express her creativity and to soothe her spirit. At the same time, her marriage fell apart. "Life fell apart, and I found myself living in Rye as a single parent and the sole support for my children, one approaching and one attending college. Divorce produces both pain and growth, and I found healing to be slow. But life’s experiences lead to a greater understanding and empathy with others."
"I have also learned a great deal from clients who have participated in The Singles Network," confesses Dail, now living in Stamford with her children successfully working and living on their own. "Running a business takes a lot out of you, with long hours and fun, but challenging, work. The reward comes with the successes, and these are continuous. I always wanted to make a difference in people’s lives, to leave something behind on this planet, to make it a better place. Over the years, I have watched people’s lives change in a moment. I have seen soul mates meet. I have seen people fall in love at different speeds. I have seen busy executives remembering how to date again. Watching my clients open themselves to others has taught me to do the same. They have taught me that the most important thing in life is to love and be loved."
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